I need to think of a way to make this city scape interesting. It's already kind of interesting. I really don't feel like blogging. Sorry. But I'm extremely antsy right now. I need to be doing something but everything I try isn't right. I think I need to eat something. All I've had to eat today was some macaroni and cheese. Macaroni and cheese is gross. It's just a gross food. Everything about it seems artificial. Cindy by Ola Padrido just came on. Ah what a great song.
Lately I've been hating myself alot. I don't know. Not myself, actually. It's not hate either. What is this feeling? I just feel something like sick. Oh yeah, my body is dieing because I haven't eaten anything. I should eat but I just don't want to.
Why doesn't the future excite not me anymore? Nothing does. I feel unmotivated, but there is nothing else to do. Does this even make sense?
I am going to paint. That is what I should be doing. Not this cityscape. Something with meaning. WHAT THE FUCK. Every time I blog while I'm on meds, I have to blog about meds. I'm sorry about this. All I think about is art and beautiful things, but I become disconnected from what is around me. I have such a scatterbrain I can't function properly. I want to swim forever in cool water. I just reread this paragraph and realized that none of these thoughts are tied together.
I don't know if it's good or bad that I rely on emotions over rational thought.
I think I'll go back to that cityscape, I need to prove to myself that I can finish something.
http://audio.sxsw.com/2008/mp3/Ola_Podrida-Cindy.mp3
It's funny what you said about emotions because one time you were worried that you were a sociopath.
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