Drilling Holes

thank you everyone. The best smiles are the real ones. I feel loved!

I proposed to my family that we should do something, as family, and today we did. My mom, dad and I saw Avatar today at 12:35. It was an alright time.

Before we left, my mom and I talked about Borderline Personality Disorder, and my mom begged me to never get involved with a girl that has it. I assured her I'd do my best. 

My uncles first wife was a Borderline. She killed herself. She drove drunk with their really young kids in the backseat at times. But that's another story.

I wish mental illness wasn't glamorized by Hollywood and the music industry. 

I said a lot last night and I'm kind of out of things to say right now. I'll talk about some lighter subjects. I'm listening to The Velvet Underground. I think the Andy Warhol scene was full of assholes. Artists and poets and writers. I don't know what kind of person I am or will be. Usually I don't worry about that, but sometimes I do. If you over analyze something, it turns into a negative. You're not analyzing it, you're drilling holes through it's shell into the gross slimy interior. Everything has a gross slimy bloody interior. So maybe I shouldn't over analyze things and just go with the flow. But I've learned that going with the flow is boring. I'm so bored. 

You know what I want to do? I want to make my bedroom a wonderland for myself. I want to turn it into some kind of crazy Jeff cave. Except with windows. But that would make it a cluttered environment that brings stress. I don't want that. See, I talk myself out of good ideas, then I end up sitting on my bed writing about it. 

You know, that's what this blog is. It's me drilling holes through my skull. I'm exposing the slimy bloody interior. You're all seeing myself in a most vulnerable state. 

"I'm feelin' good, gunna work it all out"

I still need to swim. I still need to do something. I feel like the Let It Out show is the only thing I've done in a while. Oh, by the way, I've decided that I am not dyslexic. Yay for no dyslexia! 

My phone is still off! I love this. Having a cell phone brings much stress. I could get used to this. Ah YES! Stephanie Says just came on. Mmmmmm it tastes good to my ears. 

Oh hay! These are some of the lyrics I just heard: 

"Stephanie says that she wants to know
Why she's given half her life, to people she hates now
Stephanie says when answering the phone
What country shall I say is calling from across the world"

wait, never mind. That has nothing to do with this blog, besides the word phone.

I want to paint my walls blue but I'm afraid I'll hate it. Painting walls a color is such a big deal. The color of your bedroom is a big deal, it shows a lot about your personality. I say "a lot" a lot, and I think I'll keep saying it. Even if it is improper grammar, it's the way I think and the way I speak, so it stays. 

What can I do with my room? Make a ton of paintings and put them up. Wait, that's totally do-able. I just need lots of cardboard. I have cardboard! PROJECT. It will be beautiful. Blue paintings in a scattered tile around me, with white lights strung about like sticky strings of saliva. It could happen. OK. I can do it! Now that I'm done with that english class, there is no excuse to not do stuff. Look out world, I'm changing the walls in my room a little bit.

I'm out of weed :(

Comfy In Nautica is a really cool song. I can't really describe it. It's weird I guess. It's worth listening to. Listen to it alone in a dramatically lit setting. 

	Panda Bear - Comfy In Nautica .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Wow look what I discovered! Coolness. I'm gunna go start making "abstract" blue paintings on cardboard. Bye now! and thanks for listening guys :)