i really hate it when youth gets political. its so ugly. i think every single politician just wants power. also, i really don't like the labels "conservative" and "liberal" because everyone (myself included) gets way prejudice about the opposite party. its the same with labels like gay and straight. some people think a gay person will practically rape anyone of the same sex. some people think republicans bathe in gold coins and are generally bad people.
politics have turned into red vs blue. it's not even a fight to help the country, but a battle against each other. :(
i'm reading this really fucked up book called, Bully. it's a true story. it makes me really appreciate going to wachusett nowadays, and not living in florida in the early grunge 90's. in the book theres this bully in a group of friends who psychologically, physically, and sexually beats them all down, so they secretly decide to lure him to a remote location by the everglades and beat him to death. it's really wild.
i decided to read it after seeing the film. What a great film.
i haven't slept for 3 days now and i don't know why that is. exams are tomorrow? spiraling! spiraling. spiraling
what a scatter brained blog. I'm getting that crazy paranoid feeling everyone gets about not getting into any college in the world. i hate that.
i also feel like purging. i want to purge so bad. college is the big time of purging. that is such a weird word. the way it sounds doesn't fit it's meaning.
have you ever thought of someone and realized, wow, I really dislike this person, a lot. I really can't even stand this person. But you can stand them. But when you think about that person, you want to punch them in the face. But when you actually see that person, you totally forget how much you dislike them. problem never solved.
In my lifetime, I would like to punch at least one person in the face. I think it's something everyone needs to do at some point, just to tell the story about the time they punched another in the face.
this is why i blog. now i remember. it's nice to vent and release these random thoughts. like a pensive!
the other day in english, Ms. Nicastro asked, "Have you all read Harry Potter?" and me and erin immediately looked at each other and silently laughed. that was so funny. shout out.
I want to do something really cool with my plum lights. Some kind of installation art in my bedroom. Something with transparent white layers that the purple will glow through.
When you don't sleep at night, you get a lot of good thinking time in the darkness.
i fucking hate it when people talk about their depression. as if i fucking care. i guess i was raised to believe in the "suck it up" method. whenever i had a problem, my mom just told me to suck it up, i could be living in haiti. now look at haiti. i guess thats why i don't show negative emotions to anyone. i keep it all bottled up. this blog helps. another reason to blog.
whenever people confide in me about their "mental illness" i act as a good listener and am as comforting as possible. but after a while i become slightly possessed by my mother and feel the urge to slap them across the face and tell them to shut the fuck up about their cliche adolescent problems. it's just stupid adolescence.
Oh yeah, i wanted to clarify something. That comment I left on erin's blog was unclear and misunderstood, and geared towards the cool juniors in general. i got really annoyed by the vagueness of the blog, and felt like it was only a present to friends, which has kind of become a trend amongst my fellow bloggers. I don't want to be this person but I'm just being honest, and I'm not saying this as a fact but as a mere opinion. Blogs shouldn't ever be giant shout outs. that's boring, no matter how well written. you're all great writers, and it's annoying when i realize that something so beautifully written just really means, "I love my friends! Bffaeae." that's great, really, and is why i suggested a "friend appreciation blog" which you could all know the password to and write about how great your friendship is for each other to read. I hate saying this, but i am not the only one that thinks this. please don't hate me! and please don't stop blogging!
it's 10 pm and i'm not the slightest bit tired. fuck. fuck fuck fuck. i wanna run around. i want it to be summer. in fact, i need it to be summer. winter is killing me. my cousin tried to commit suicide :( I only see them once a year but it still makes me very sad, especially because his brother committed suicide. It's weird how my dad's family in Maryland is so fucked up with drugs and mental illness. Come to think of it, my dad is a psychiatrist? hmm. ironic.
Ok I'm done. I'm going to read Bully. I hope I sleep. I don't like swearing, it's ugly. I think I'll try to stop. We'll see. G'Night friends.
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