2009 has been a year of incredible change in my life. I'm really going to miss 2009.

I started a cityscape painting today with my new paints from Christmas. They're great! They have the buttery texture and rich color of oils. I'm painting a photograph I took from Providence. Time is flying by. Time flies by. Things happen so fast that I don't remember them. I say things without thinking. I need to do everyone a favor and take medication.

Now I know why. It was fun while it lasted, but it cost my...

It's so hard to describe. A day goes by, I could have failed a test, said something really offensive. Then when I'm hit by the recoil, it's a complete shock.

Around junior high, when school gets somewhat challenging and grades start to count, mine went down. I couldn't focus in history or math, instead I daydreamed. Every single page of notes I took contained doodles and drawings squeezed in every free margin and heading space available. Of course I failed everything. When I'd ask teachers for extra help they'd laugh or get angry, because it was obvious that I put zero effort into school. I wanted to do well so badly.

My dad told me that sometimes my mother cried at night because of the way my life was going.

Having ADD isn't fun. I don't think it's funny. I hate it so much.

So the school provided an IQ test, in which I scored very high. I remember the school psychologist providing the test was really nice. She had a miniature zen sand garden. She must have seen me gazing at it, because she suggested I rearrange it, "Make it special." There are some people that somehow shine goodness. They're like angles.

Anyway. I also remember sitting in a teacher's aid office to get the scores. She said that I must be plain lazy.

This story is going nowhere.

Did I have a point? Yes, I do. But I don't want to say it.

New Years resolution.

sacrifice a life of laughing and joking, forgetfulness and scatterbrain

...for a life of control, and accomplishment, with coldness and solemnity.

p.s. At school on Wednesday (I think) on the morning announcements, it said something like, "And a special thanks to Chad Madison, who has been seen doing a random act of kindness." To which I heard Erin McGowan reply, "Is that a joke?!" and it was really funny in my head. Perfect response. shout out.

Also, my hair is blue again :)