Valentines Day! (this blog has nothing to do with V Day.)

Why won't blogger let me use tab?? I hate not having my paragraphs indented. :'(

Some opinions aren't meant to be said out loud. It's counter productive.

Today was my niece's 2nd birthday. It was at McDonalds, because Meghan's house can't fit/entertain all of those kids. I really didn't want to go. Screaming kids give me anxiety or something. My defense was that everyone there would have a kid to be watching, and other parents to talk to about kids, leaving me as the only awkward teenager sitting in the corner creepily. Thats what happened. Except I had my sister Katie and her boyfriend to talk to. I was immediately miserable.

I'm going to start writing a journal. F blogger. Well, I'll keep blogging, but the journal can be the real therapist. By writing down my thoughts I can re-read them and psychoanalyze myself which is good.

In the journal there is no holding back. yum.

Now all I can think of is stuff I want to write in a journal.

Bye. You've been replaced by someone with more to offer than good looks.

But seriously. I'm going to do both.

 Thinking about MassArt makes me sick. Sick with anxiety. My cousin got in. If I don't, the entire family will know. Everyone that knows me will know. The Mass Art poster on my wall will know. I'll have to take down that poster in shame. I can't hold my breath much longer!!! Any day now.
But something made me feel better today. My cousin Emily, who I've always had a special bond with, because she's the oldest out of all the cousins and I'm the youngest, said to me in the McDonalds birthday room, "If you don't get in to that school, then it wasn't meant to be. The school you go to is the school you were meant to go to. No matter what you'll have an incredible experience." I think that's true. Thinking back, I remember Phoebe was so unsure about Amherst, and she seems to love it. If I'm banished to Ohio (Columbus College of Art and Design, safety school) then I'll still be having a grand adventure. I need to be positive. Oh the power of positive.

And hey, getting denied to Mass Art would be a great suffering character builder ;)

Wow. What the hell is wrong with me? In a few days I'll probably be like, "Hey guys I got into Mass Art today." And all of this anxiety will look ridiculous. It's just that SO MUCH WEIGHT IS ON THIS SCHOOL. It would be really cheap, I'd already know some people there, it's in Boston, it's a great school, it's in Boston, and I'm only like 2 hours away from home. A most convenient distance. If I go to Ohio I won't be seeing anyone until Christmas. And all of the friends I'd make would probably be living in Ohio.

My life will be completely different.

I need to know. It's driving me insane.

My foots asleep. I want an official looking journal. Not just some Five Star brand notebook. Somethin' fancy that represents me. A blue notebook. And where shall I store it? Well that's something for me and the journal to know.

One year ago, on this day, I was almost arrested. Last Valentines Day. But I don't feel like telling that story again. Although it is a very good one. Toodles.