I just realized how old I'm acting

This is weird. It just hit me that I'm not doing kid stuff anymore. I feel like high school was all kid stuff. I had my own bedroom at home, which I slept in almost every night. Like, I pretty much have an apartment now. That's what my dorm feels like. I sleep out whenever I want and it's completely up to me. Completely, as in, I don't even have to notify anyone. I eat when I want to. I do homework when I feel I need to. I smoke weed as frequently as I want to, and it's extremely easy.
I drink all the time.

(damnit, nate just woke up and I can hear him turning on the shower. Fucker I've been waiting for that... oh well, I'll probably still be writing this by the time he's done anyway. Nate doesn't take long.)

Oh, like this for example. It's 12:22PM on a sunday. I woke up this morning at 9:30 (weird?), received a text from my neighbor who just got home. I rolled out of bed and pulled on my sweatpants and a t shirt, met her in the hallway outside my room, and we talked about our weekend in the common room. Its just weird. I'm the authority in my life. Listening to myself talk about what I've been up to was like, "woah, this is like, what the adults do in the movies... and none of it was a big deal to me when it happened... It was completely normal and casual. Last year, back home, this would've been nuts."
M neighbor brought home a ton of alcohol. I drink like all the time here. It's nothing special anymore!? Back home, it was like, "YES! GUYS! We got alc! WOOO drink! But first we need to make sure we can sleep over so and so's house. And we need a house. We can only have a few people because the parents are home." You know how it is.

Now, it's like, "Hey I've had this shit sitting in my room, let's drink it."
"Might as well."
"Then we can go to that party, it might suck, but like, whatever, we'll be drunk."
"Cool sounds fun. Hey mind if I run down to Charline's to pick up some weed real quick? Wanna come?"
"Yeah I wanna take a walk."

Then me and whoever I'm with enjoy a nice walk up Mission Hill, and talk, and be social, and do what young humans do best.

It's just crazy how when everything is so happy and stimulating, it's not real anymore. Like, I'm not alive? You know... it sounds cheesy, but it's like a dream. You wake up from a dream and it's like, "Wow that was crazy. I wish I could relive that." But when it's constant, you get used to it. I dunno where I'm going with this. It kind of scares me how things are so great and pure. I haven't even thought of the possibility of this being tainted. I might just need to a good tainting to slap me in the face, reminding me how great everything else is.

(Nate's out of the shower. I really need a shower.)

FUCK. HOMEWORK. I just want to float around all day and have fun! I need to build a chair today. It needs to be entirely out of cardboard. No tape, glue, staples, or anything of the sort. Just folded, cut up cardboard. AND, it needs to support my weight. AND, it needs to be aesthetically pleasing. AND, it needs to be completely sturdy. Ugh, fuck. It's fun to do, but thinking about it is stressful.

ALSO, here's something I was meaning to blog about. Getting a lot of male attention kind of freaks me out. Like, I'm not used to this. And, I'm kind of a romantic. There's a lot of casual stuff here, and it's not for me. I dunno, I just get uncomfortable when I hear things. And I hear about guys that seemed totally normal and stuff, wanting to get with me. It's just like... I dunno. I don't like that. I feel like a GIRL RIGHT NOW. WTF. Is this how it feels? Being kind of objectified? Getting those up and down eyes and stuff. I guess I'm more innocent than I thought. That's not true, haha. Ugh. Oh jeeze.

So there's kind of a flipside? I like innocence. I'm learning what kinds of parties are for me, and what to avoid. I'm learning how to tell when someone really wants to be my friend, and when someone just wants to party with that kid with the green hair who seems like a lot of fun.

I love my family here. They're all really good people, and really good friends. This weekend half of them went home, and I hung out with some other people. It made me realize how special my "family" friends are. I missed them so much! They're so much more fun, and I'm so much more comfortable around them.

Being so overwhelmed here, with things happening so fast, meeting people so fast, you have to train your judgment to keep up. I learned it takes some time for me to people totally comfortable with someone, no matter how much I like them.

Okay, I need to shower and do stuff. In conclusion guys, I'm in between kid and young adult. The transition is wild, fun, sexy, a little scary, and exciting. I'm very happy, and that's most important.

Also, I feel like I look a lot different than I did a month ago. I actually feel like a very different person, mentally and physically. Strange. Things are happening very fast. And I am still a kid at heart, aren't I?