I'm hungry

Sunday, April 25, 2010. 3:45AM

High school is almost over. What the hell.

What if I became a famous director and won an oscar. You'd see me receiving the award and remember this blog and this person. 

Before something monumental happens in my life, I always think, what will it be like when this is over? How will I feel? Then when it's over, I remember wondering what it would be like. After RISD, I was glad to be home but sad about it being over. I knew I wouldn't be that happy in a while. After I got into MassArt, it took a day or two to become real, then it wasn't a big deal anymore.

What will I feel after graduation? Or after my first day of college? What about the day I graduate college. What will I be like?

What will I feel if I actually do win an Oscar!? Will I remember this blog? Will I still be in touch with any of you? Will I care? What if I don't even major in film..

Thinking about the future is boggling. It's weird that high school is almost over. That's a big part of life, high school. I remember being a freshman. Actually I don't feel like talking about my freshman year.

I did half a painting and I can't finish it. I need a change in my life. Something a little greater than rearranging my room. Do you ever feel like purging everything. I just need a change. Summer will be a big change. I have zero plans for this summer, besides working. I need to do more than smoke weed this summer. I also need to put a cap on that. This vacation has burnt me out to the point of really needing a break. I'm sick of colored hair. I'll take a break. 

I know what I feel like doing.. listening to music.

I got pulled over today. I forgot about that. Today being yesterday. I was going 50 in a 35 road, but it was one of those long highway-like roads coming from sterling to holden. She just gave me a warning. I felt way more relaxed having a female cop over a male. I think a woman cop is less likely to flex her authority. She was nice. But seeing those blue lights in my rearview mirror was horrifying. Thank god I had nothing on me. 

I also need to put a cap on my social life. I've had plans every day of this vacation and it was really exhausting. Why do I feel so blank? I need coffee. There is no coffee. 

I'm afraid of college being too much like this vacation.

I need to eat something.

I changed my art concentration to Blue. I'm not feeling creative at all.