I'm home and it's weird

It's weird how I can tell I'm at least an inch taller. No lie. My parents were like, "Wow did you get taller?" I did. I'm like two inches taller than my dad now. WEIRRRDD. I could also tell when I walked up the stairs. For 18 years I've walked those stairs, and I could tell things were different. My strides were bigger and more effortless. Weird. 

No, you know what's really weird? How I'm dramatically different and older and there is nothing I can do about it. I talked to my dad about drinking on the way home from the station, the whole time I had my sore neck craned to the side to hide the massive hickey on my neck. Ughhh. Since when do I even get hickeys? Since when is drinking not a big deal? Since when am I almost 19? NINETEEN. THAT'S ALMOST TWENTY. Twenty is old. Twenty is no longer a teenager. I mean, I guess I'm ready, it's just weird how I've been growing up my whole life and didn't realize it until now.

Katie turned 21 a few days ago. I don't know why but Katie being 21 isn't weird. It's more like, "about fucking time Katie jeeze." Maybe because I'm used to her being older than me and doing older things. I'm the youngest in the family. I bet everyone is freaked out by the way I'm turning out. Everyone in my family just found out I'm gay via facebook. I have green hair. I have a big hickey on my neck. My mom cleaned my room while I was away, and found about a dozen empty handles of vodka (literally, a dozen at least.) She was showing me my newly cleaned and organized bedroom, and I was like, "OH, sorry about all of the alcohol bottles in my closet. But don't worry! Those have been collecting for at least a year." And she didn't seem to care at all. 

"Well most of them were in the chest by your bed."

"..eh heh...."

I WONDER WHAT ELSE SHE FOUND. I didn't even think about that. Oh well.

My throat hurts really bad. All I've had to eat today was a bagel, grapefruit juice, then a bar of assorted nuts at around 5. Oh then I had some macaroni when I got home. I have no appetite, because I've been smoking way too much weed these days. Break time!

A week ago, I went to this party in Allston. It was my first sour experience since coming to MassArt. BAHA on discovery channel they're talking about something that sounds like "Fuck Island." Anyway, Kristina and Andy and I went to this party. Upon entering, I immediately felt out of place, and out of my league. It was all way older people, and they were all totally wasted. It was packed, and somehow oxygen seemed scarce. We went into Alana's room and smoked a TON of weed and told stories of ourselves getting injured in humorous ways as children. That was kind of fun. But then it was time to leave, we wanted to leave early. We were gunna take a cab home, but we still had time to make the 1AM bus. FIRST, we got up to leave. Some drunk guy, (creeepy drunk guy) walked up to me and said, "No need to be afraid of me! I'm chill I'm chill." And gave me huge semi painful hug. I wasn't too freaked out, just annoyed. But then he dug is face into my neck. At first it was weirdly sexy? But then he kind of started to kiss me and all I could feel was the scruff of his face and his wet teeth. I wanted to leave. I was so high. He released me, I fake laughed, and we headed for the door. He got me again and repeated his previous action, then stumbled out of the room and returned to the party. We made our way to the front door, and some girl stopped us when we opened it. "Cops are here. Don't go outside." I saw police cruisers through a crack in the cardboard covered window.

All I could think was, "FFFUUUUCCCKKKKK. FUCK."

The three of us were totally underage. We only had like a beer each (they ran out early) but still I was internally tweaking out. If you get busted by cops, they notify the school, and you get in trouble somehow, I forgot how. But still, I was stoned and anxious and I just wanted to be out of that apartment. So we made our way to another bedroom, where some people I know were hanging out. Everyone was so drunk, and I was like, "guys the cops are here. People should stop screaming and stuff." The reply?

"COPS DO NOT EXISTTT! cops don't exist! Cooppppsss ain't hereeee!"

Ugh, fucking drunk people. Interacting with drunk people while sober is the most frustrating thing.

Well, the cops disappeared, and we made the bus, and thanked the lawd the night was over.

See, look how different my life is. Weird. I didn't realize how crazy that night was until now. All I felt during the bus ride home was annoyance, because I didn't get drunk and have a bitchin' time like I planned.

I'm tired. It's only 9:34, on a friday night. Night ya'll.